Does the idea of “letting go” resonate with you? No, not so fast; it’s not about abandoning everything and fleeing to a deserted island. It’s more about approaching life and its challenges with wisdom and balance. But what does it really mean? The editorial team explains it all.
Letting go is said to be the key to happiness. It’s also THE trendy concept in the nebulous world of self-development gurus and many psychotherapists. Rigorous and methodical (LOL), the author of these lines typed “letting go” and “self-development” into their favorite search engine. Surprise: they found dozens and dozens of books on the subject, sponsored by Amazon and Kelkoo or in stock at Fnac (116 in total).
Letting go: A balance between giving up and holding on
Here’s a non-exhaustive list: Letting Go: The Shortest Path to Freedom from Blocks, by Dr. David R. Hawkins. Give Yourself a Break and Start Living, by Fabrice Midal. And also (our favorite, seen in every bookstore in Casablanca and Rabat): The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*, a bestseller by Mark Manson. Don’t get it twisted: a person faces events, uncertainties, and challenges, and it’s perfectly normal (and healthy) to feel emotions and to think about them — even a lot. Letting go becomes worth considering when we overthink, and our thoughts (which cause anxiety or discomfort) become intrusive, obsessive, and disabling.
So what does letting go mean? It means giving up trying to control what cannot be controlled; not dwelling on the past or escaping into a utopian future, but being grounded in the present. It’s not about giving up or falling into fatalism, but accepting what is: the facts, nothing but the facts, and acting to the best of our ability and to the degree we are capable of.
Concrete examples
For example: You’ve performed well at your company, asked for a raise, but your superiors are dragging their feet. There’s no need to stew over it, or to delve into your possible narcissistic flaws or wounded self-esteem. There is definitely no need to create scenarios in your head where you are a victim scorned by your evil boss. You’ve done everything you could (and you nailed it). Now let the rest go because it’s out of your control.
Another example: You felt there might still be something between you and your ex and told them so, hoping to maybe get back together. They were already with someone else? Let it go. At least you stayed true to your feelings and showed transparency, even chivalry. The rest is no longer in your hands; it’s disappointing, but that’s it. Feeling better? It’s better to have regrets than remorse (we’ll talk about that when we’re all very, very old).
Your mother annoys you? You find her immature and selfish? Let it go: she’s not just your mom, but also an individual with her own baggage. Maybe it’s time to change your perspective on her and your expectations? Our loved ones can’t give us everything; they’re not Swiss Army knives. So take only the best from your mother and seek the rest elsewhere (or within yourself). In short, enough examples; you’ve got the idea.
A long process
Of course, letting go is easier said than done. There’s no manual or magic wand to achieve it. Like everything with this life on Earth, it’s a process. It may involve deep introspective work with a therapist or a sophrologist, for example. Often, the inability to let go results from childhood wounds or traumas. Yoga, meditation, and (really underrated) breathing exercises can greatly help. So can better expression and communication of one’s feelings and emotions, both with oneself and others. Or you can prepare for an exciting future: staying active, having new personal or professional projects, planning outings or getaways, etc. There are also many fun exercises to work on your ability to let go daily (thanks, internet).
Some may also nourish their hopes by turning to spirituality or esotericism. In fact, letting go is a concept that comes from India and certain sacred texts of Hindu tradition. It was later embraced by the hippie movement in the 1970s. It also appears in the Marseille Tarot, embodied in the cards of The Jester (aka The Fool) and The Hanged Man (the masters of letting go). But also in The Hermit (who tends to dwell endlessly on the past) and The Death Card, an appeal for liberation.
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No to giving orders!
We live in a world where we are subjected to many orders and admonitions , often contradictory. Especially (drumroll)… women! Telling a friend who is stuck in distress to let go is, firstly, frankly rude and, secondly, counterproductive. It is pointless to avoid or (worse) numb your emotions by escaping into work, partying, alcohol, etc. Yes, you have the right to be sad, worried, or angry, and to talk about it. And no, it doesn’t make us “annoying” or weak.
In recent months, new 2.0 gurus (part esoteric, part life coaches) have drawn a parallel between letting go and the law of attraction. According to them, a person unable to let go blocks any new opportunities and attracts potential troubles. Feeling worthless and guilty wasn’t enough? Now they’re trying to scare you! A tip: stay away from such nonsense, take a deep breath, take a good shower, and watch a good series on your couch. That’s already a good start to flirting with letting go.
